Another new adventure...

With all of the time, energy, and thought I've been putting into my health lately, one thing I was doing, and had been doing for a long, long time, suddenly seemed absolutely incongruous with my lifestyle:  taking the pill.  You know, THE pill.  Birth control.  Let me say something right up front:  I don't regret having taken birth control during my teens and twenties.  There is a lot of hullabaloo on the Paleo/Primal/Bulletproof forums about birth control and health, and I definitely share their concerns.  However, for me personally, it was a very important decision.  I first chose to go on birth control after two unplanned pregnancies, neither of which was carried to term.  I was eighteen years old with a new boyfriend and in my second year of college, having just gotten my life straightened out after my high school drug and alcohol abuse problems, but I was still very willful and a little wild.  I knew I lacked the discipline and self-control required to practice the use of abstinence, barrier devices, or natural methods for contraception.  And when confronted with the choice between taking a shot four times a year or a pill every day, I knew I couldn't be trusted to take the pill, so the shot it was.  And it was great in a lot of ways, apart from the regular visits to the gyno.  But I started gaining weight almost immediately.  Then when I was about twenty the patch came out, and it was supposed to be a lower dose that didn't circulate as far in the bloodstream, or some such nonsense.  So I made the switch.  And it was great, when it didn't fall off.  I used it for a few years.  Then in my mid-twenties, after some lawsuit threats against the patch, and after I no longer had health insurance, I finally made the switch to the pill.  The first few months were hell.  Even though I had already been in an altered hormonal state for years, it took me a while to get used to the hormones in the pill for some reason.  But once my body adjusted, it was great.  My periods were regular-ish (though actually slightly less so than they had been when I was a teenager) and extremely light (so light sometimes that I wasn't sure it wasn't implantation bleeding), and I haven't had real cramps in years. 

But I'm not in my twenties anymore.  I took birth control for twelve years, and I am very glad that I don't have any children yet.  But I do want them eventually, and since I'm already in my thirties, once I'm ready, I don't want to have to wait the six months to a year for my body to adjust to its own natural cycle.  I trust myself and my partner enough to know we can make a combination of barrier and natural birth control work, and even as unprepared as I feel for a baby, an unplanned pregnancy at this stage of my life might be far less disastrous than it would have been before.  My best friend, who is two years younger than me, thinks I'm nuts.  And maybe I am.  But I am also feeling my mortality more and more every day.  Every time a family member gets diagnosed with cancer or diabetes; every time I see my mother growing more and more feeble or my father taking more and more medications, I am reminded of the importance of both family and good health when it comes to happiness and longevity.  Beyond that, I am also more acutely aware of my role in our national healthcare crisis as one of the uninsured.  Every time I leave the house I risk major medical debt that could end up ultimately costing someone else a lot of money.  There are some things I can't control - like other drivers or the structural stability of my office building.  But I can control the things I am putting into my body.  The risks associated with long-term birth control use, especially for a former smoker, far outweigh the benefits at this point in my life.

That brings me to two weeks ago.  It was time to pick up my prescription.  Normally I pick it up on Fridays because the pharmacy is closed on weekends.  But Friday passed and I completely forgot.  Monday and Tuesday came and went.  On Wednesday morning, I opened up the online refill form, but I hesitated.  I had been researching natural birth control and the risks of hormonal contraceptives for a few months.  My boyfriend and I don't even see each other enough to watch a movie, much less make a baby (seriously, how any PhD student with a full time job finds time to have sex is beyond me).  And for all this work I've been doing to take control of my body and my health, I was going to put that stuff in my body again?  What's worse is that I never have been very good about taking it, which increases the associated risks exponentially.  So I closed the form and made the decision then and there that I wouldn't go back.  My boyfriend is nervous but supportive.  Until I get my period and start understanding my cycle better, we are practicing abstinence. 

What's happened so far:  First of all, since I went off the pill, my fella and I have seen each other for about an hour collectively, so no problems there.  I have had some brief and relatively minor mood swings, and I felt cramping that felt like what I remember of ovulation cramping a few days ago, which was accompanied by mucus changes.  I haven't experienced any major side effects or consequences, but it's early days yet.  I'll keep posting about it as things develop.