With all of the time, energy, and thought I've been putting into my health lately, one thing I was doing, and had been doing for a long, long time, suddenly seemed absolutely incongruous with my lifestyle: taking the pill. You know, THE pill. Birth control. Let me say something right up front: I don't regret having taken birth control during my teens and twenties. There is a lot of hullabaloo on the Paleo/Primal/Bulletproof forums about birth control and health, and I definitely share their concerns. However, for me personally, it was a very important decision. I first chose to go on birth control after two unplanned pregnancies, neither of which was carried to term. I was eighteen years old with a new boyfriend and in my second year of college, having just gotten my life straightened out after my high school drug and alcohol abuse problems, but I was still very willful and a little wild. I knew I lacked the discipline and self-control required to practice the use of abstinence, barrier devices, or natural methods for contraception. And when confronted with the choice between taking a shot four times a year or a pill every day, I knew I couldn't be trusted to take the pill, so the shot it was. And it was great in a lot of ways, apart from the regular visits to the gyno. But I started gaining weight almost immediately. Then when I was about twenty the patch came out, and it was supposed to be a lower dose that didn't circulate as far in the bloodstream, or some such nonsense. So I made the switch. And it was great, when it didn't fall off. I used it for a few years. Then in my mid-twenties, after some lawsuit threats against the patch, and after I no longer had health insurance, I finally made the switch to the pill. The first few months were hell. Even though I had already been in an altered hormonal state for years, it took me a while to get used to the hormones in the pill for some reason. But once my body adjusted, it was great. My periods were regular-ish (though actually slightly less so than they had been when I was a teenager) and extremely light (so light sometimes that I wasn't sure it wasn't implantation bleeding), and I haven't had real cramps in years.
But I'm not in my twenties anymore. I took birth control for twelve years, and I am very glad that I don't have any children yet. But I do want them eventually, and since I'm already in my thirties, once I'm ready, I don't want to have to wait the six months to a year for my body to adjust to its own natural cycle. I trust myself and my partner enough to know we can make a combination of barrier and natural birth control work, and even as unprepared as I feel for a baby, an unplanned pregnancy at this stage of my life might be far less disastrous than it would have been before. My best friend, who is two years younger than me, thinks I'm nuts. And maybe I am. But I am also feeling my mortality more and more every day. Every time a family member gets diagnosed with cancer or diabetes; every time I see my mother growing more and more feeble or my father taking more and more medications, I am reminded of the importance of both family and good health when it comes to happiness and longevity. Beyond that, I am also more acutely aware of my role in our national healthcare crisis as one of the uninsured. Every time I leave the house I risk major medical debt that could end up ultimately costing someone else a lot of money. There are some things I can't control - like other drivers or the structural stability of my office building. But I can control the things I am putting into my body. The risks associated with long-term birth control use, especially for a former smoker, far outweigh the benefits at this point in my life.
That brings me to two weeks ago. It was time to pick up my prescription. Normally I pick it up on Fridays because the pharmacy is closed on weekends. But Friday passed and I completely forgot. Monday and Tuesday came and went. On Wednesday morning, I opened up the online refill form, but I hesitated. I had been researching natural birth control and the risks of hormonal contraceptives for a few months. My boyfriend and I don't even see each other enough to watch a movie, much less make a baby (seriously, how any PhD student with a full time job finds time to have sex is beyond me). And for all this work I've been doing to take control of my body and my health, I was going to put that stuff in my body again? What's worse is that I never have been very good about taking it, which increases the associated risks exponentially. So I closed the form and made the decision then and there that I wouldn't go back. My boyfriend is nervous but supportive. Until I get my period and start understanding my cycle better, we are practicing abstinence.
What's happened so far: First of all, since I went off the pill, my fella and I have seen each other for about an hour collectively, so no problems there. I have had some brief and relatively minor mood swings, and I felt cramping that felt like what I remember of ovulation cramping a few days ago, which was accompanied by mucus changes. I haven't experienced any major side effects or consequences, but it's early days yet. I'll keep posting about it as things develop.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
I'm still here!
As happens, my weight loss has slowed and so has my enthusiasm. Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling off the wagon or anything. I've just been less obsessive about blogging and researching etc., which is probably a good thing, especially for the people around me. I'm hovering just above 200 (201.2 this morning - been kinda yo-yoing between 201 and 203 for about a week), which is right about where I expected to hit a speedbump because it is close to my previous long-term peak weight. It's my body saying "this is so much better than where you were two months ago. Let's just rest here a minute. We're not eighteen anymore, after all." And I'm fine with that. I've lost almost ten percent of my body weight and that's nothing to sneeze at. I don't worry that I might fall asleep in meetings, and I don't panic if I might not be near food or a bathroom for a while anymore. Hell, I might even take up hiking again!
Update: I weighed myself when I went home for lunch (after a couple of good bathroom trips) and I have officially broken through the 200lb wall!
Update: I weighed myself when I went home for lunch (after a couple of good bathroom trips) and I have officially broken through the 200lb wall!
Friday, August 2, 2013
Damn you Mexican food!
My big remaining weakness - Mexican food (specifically tortilla chips at the restaurant) - has struck again. It happens every time. I'm chugging along, dropping pounds like a bad habit, then I decide to test my body on some corn chips. I know what's going to happen, it happens every time. Yesterday morning I was at 203.0, and this morning 205.4. It's not a big deal, I know. It will come back off. But it just sets me back another week, basically, for one delicious meal. The sad part is it's not like I sat and ate a whole basket of chips. Between my boyfriend and I, we ate less than half a basket total. And my meal was good - Huevos a la Mexicana (basically eggs with lots of chopped chiles) and a couple of bites of black beans. Apart from that all I had yesterday was salmon and mashed cauliflower. So, calories-in-calories-out fails the test again. WHAT we eat is so much more important than I ever realized before.
Monday, July 22, 2013
True confessions
For the first time since I started this lifestyle, I AM REALLY HUNGRY! Not quite constantly, but definitely more than I am used to anymore. I still haven't let it derail me. I'm not eating anything I shouldn't. But I am definitely having to eat more and more often again. I know it is only temporary. But I thought it was worth acknowledging. My weight was down from 209.4 to 209.0 this morning, which is a step back in the right direction. So I won't complain too much. I know that it is largely from my own choices that this is happening. I allowed myself to get too hungry too many times last week because I didn't have very much food in the house. I ended up eating out a lot, including a few small "cheats." Even when I made good choices, restaurant food is always a little risky. As of tonight I have a fully stocked, fully cleaned kitchen that is ready for me to whip up some healthy meals to get myself back on track. I will definitely be eating something again tonight, but hopefully I can make it past 10:30 tomorrow before I eat again, unlike today. Fingers crossed!
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Delayed but not derailed...
The past week was a real doozy, and the upcoming one looks about the same. Between the stress and the PMS hormones, I made a couple of (calculated) less-than-great choices last week, including corn chips three times (no more than 8 or 10 per sitting), beans, alcohol (one night), and extra chocolate a few days. I also skipped my BP coffee and had breakfast on Friday morning. The result is, after seeing a blissful 206.4 briefly early in the week, my weight this morning was up (209.4), and my ketones are down. However, even after the slight rebound in weight my net loss for the month was ten pounds, so I'm not complaining. My feeling is that by the end of the week I'll likely be back under 206.4, whether the gain was simple water retention or something else. Only time will tell!
My food intake today has been almost-perfect. I had my BP coffee around 10:00, then a little after 1PM had tuna salad (I used the safest-looking mayo and relish I could find, but I think next time I will use yogurt and celery instead). Then a little later I had yogurt with blueberries, a tablespoon of coconut oil, and a hint of stevia. Then for dinner, around 6:00, I had wild sockeye salmon (cooked in lots of EVOO and ghee with about a half a teaspoon of honey) with roasted asparagus. I've also had two cups of herbal detox tea and will likely have one more before bed. Anytime I eat two servings of fish in one day, even if they are low-mercury species, I try to do a bit of a cleanse as well to make sure the heavy metals aren't accumulating in my body.
The stevia is a new thing. I used it some for my parents when I was playing personal chef for them, but I don't really feel much need for it myself. I mainly got it to take the edge off of apple cider vinegar when I use it. I feel like it may be effecting my insulin sensitivity, however, so I may cut it back out and try to get the ACV down without it (2T mixed with a glass of water or herbal tea).
Another odd thing, along with the slight weight gain, is that my joint pain has been sneaking back up on me. My best guess is that it is from the tiny amount of breading I actually ate a few nights ago when I ordered a dish that doesn't normally have breading but apparently did at that particular restaurant. It was covered in sauce so I didn't see it on my first bite. The sauce and chips may have also been wheat-contaminated. At the moment, however, I was aware of the risk I was taking and made my choice. It is all part of the learning process after all!
My food intake today has been almost-perfect. I had my BP coffee around 10:00, then a little after 1PM had tuna salad (I used the safest-looking mayo and relish I could find, but I think next time I will use yogurt and celery instead). Then a little later I had yogurt with blueberries, a tablespoon of coconut oil, and a hint of stevia. Then for dinner, around 6:00, I had wild sockeye salmon (cooked in lots of EVOO and ghee with about a half a teaspoon of honey) with roasted asparagus. I've also had two cups of herbal detox tea and will likely have one more before bed. Anytime I eat two servings of fish in one day, even if they are low-mercury species, I try to do a bit of a cleanse as well to make sure the heavy metals aren't accumulating in my body.
The stevia is a new thing. I used it some for my parents when I was playing personal chef for them, but I don't really feel much need for it myself. I mainly got it to take the edge off of apple cider vinegar when I use it. I feel like it may be effecting my insulin sensitivity, however, so I may cut it back out and try to get the ACV down without it (2T mixed with a glass of water or herbal tea).
Another odd thing, along with the slight weight gain, is that my joint pain has been sneaking back up on me. My best guess is that it is from the tiny amount of breading I actually ate a few nights ago when I ordered a dish that doesn't normally have breading but apparently did at that particular restaurant. It was covered in sauce so I didn't see it on my first bite. The sauce and chips may have also been wheat-contaminated. At the moment, however, I was aware of the risk I was taking and made my choice. It is all part of the learning process after all!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Day...Oh who knows?
I have a meeting shortly, but it's been a while and there are a few things I need to get out. First of all, apart from one desperate "cheat" on Monday when I was starving and on my way to the grocery store (went to a Mexican restaurant and had a small handful of chips and some beans), my diet has been pretty excellent to the extent that I can control it. I've had to eat out a couple of times due to lack of groceries and time, but I've had grilled fish and steamed vegetables when I have. My hunger level is comfortable (I usually start getting hungry about an hour earlier than I am ready to eat, but I can manage), and my weight is down but stabilized at the moment, probably because of PMS. While I was at my parents' house last week, I lost about 4.5, I think. As of this morning I was down to 207.2, which is a total loss of 12 pounds since June 19th. My current waist measurement is 38, down from 41, and my bust and hips are at 46, down from 48 and 48.5, respectively. Getting below 210 again is a small victory for me, but not a huge one because I hadn't been above it for very long. But my "fat" jeans fit comfortably, and that makes me happy. I think I am a solid size 16 now instead of a snug 18. 16 is a size I can live with (though hopefully I won't have to for long!). Basically I am where I was about a year ago, which is pretty awesome. Four weeks to erase a year of damage? Hell yeah! My two weight loss goals for the next month: getting my waist circumference under 35 and weight under 200. A more important goal: eating out no more than once a week. That's a toughie on my schedule!
My parents are struggling on without me. I've been calling my mother every day to check on her diet and so far she's doing pretty well. She's not adhering strictly to the program I had her on, or to Wheat Belly, but she's still using her Bulletproof coffee, avoiding grains, and limiting her carbs. I think for her the key is going to be eating a lot of veggies cooked in fat and salad with an olive oil-based, homemade salad dressing. She's getting bloodwork done by her endocrinologist sometime this week and I hope that her cholesterol readings don't scare her off of the diet, because they might be high. But I know that she is encouraged. By the time I left on Sunday, her weight was down lower than it has been since her forties (she and I are actually neck-and-neck), and her attitude was mostly much better, apart from a breakdown Sunday morning because she didn't want me to leave.
On my way back to Tennessee, I stopped for coffee with my sister to discuss my findings for the week. She lives about three hours closer to them and tries to get down every two or three weeks to spend a couple of days, and is on a similar (but less regimented) nutritional program. We discussed our parents' situation at length, and concluded that our mother is exhibiting signs of early stage Alzheimer's. Depression, personality changes, asking the same questions and telling the same stories repeatedly - we've seen it all before. My mother's mother was diagnosed at 75. At the time they told us she wouldn't live five years. Instead she lived on for ten as a shell of herself. I do not want to watch that happen to my mother. Neither my sister or myself are prepared to take in my parents, and I don't want to see them go to a home.
My father is is own can of worms. His blood sugar is out of control, and he is starting to have foot problems. If he loses his feet, especially before turning 65, we are all going to be in a lot of trouble. I think he is FINALLY starting to come to terms with his situation, and expressed genuine interest in what I am doing, even buying a copy of Wheat Belly. I think if he can follow the WB plan, which is far less restrictive than what I had Mom on last week, they could both benefit tremendously.
And then there's my boyfriend. He's in his mid-forties, is a heavy smoker, and lives on processed food. I've known six year olds with more sophisticated palates. However, his father was recently diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, and I think it has really given him pause. When I started doing all of the research that has led me to my current way of life, I encouraged him to talk to his dad and his stepmother about making dietary changes to see if it would help. But his father is of the attitude that if he ain't got much longer he's going to eat as he pleases. It's totally understandable. His doctors gave him a death sentence and the only hope they would offer was chemotherapy which, predictably, is killing him. This is a man who has had six heart attacks and four open heart surgeries; if he were a cat, he'd be just about out of lives. We found out a few days ago that he has congestive heart failure and his heart is only functioning at 20%. Yet his doctors insist on keeping him in chemo. They don't know what else to do, I guess. The chemo has reduced the cancer growths in his liver, so by that token it is "working," but what else is it killing? My boyfriend is starting to see what I mean about doctors, at least. They have a very limited toolbox that is focused more on treatment and intervention than cures and prevention.
Last night my boyfriend let me weigh him and do a body fat analysis (our stats are almost identical, oddly enough), and he sat and looked at information about nutrition with me for about an hour. That is a HUGE step. In just a couple of weeks he has gone from totally dismissive to genuinely curious. I think if he would give it a chance, he could really enjoy it. On top of that he has a pre-teen daughter who could REALLY use a good nutritional influence in her life. She is at a critical age right now and her mother feeds her ice cream and donuts and soda and popcorn like it's going out of style. When she comes to visit him, she'll easily go through two bags of movie butter popcorn in one night, and he is on the budget of an adjunt professor paying child support, so if they go "out" to eat it's usually McDonald's. He also has a seventeen year old son who needs $23k worth of dental work because his mother has fed him junk food and Mountain Dew all of his life (my boyfriend only sees him once a year because they live farther away) and never taken him to the dentist. All but four of his teeth are completely rotted. At seventeen. Someone in their lives needs to take the reigns and show them that healthy eating can be awesome. And it so so so so can!
My parents are struggling on without me. I've been calling my mother every day to check on her diet and so far she's doing pretty well. She's not adhering strictly to the program I had her on, or to Wheat Belly, but she's still using her Bulletproof coffee, avoiding grains, and limiting her carbs. I think for her the key is going to be eating a lot of veggies cooked in fat and salad with an olive oil-based, homemade salad dressing. She's getting bloodwork done by her endocrinologist sometime this week and I hope that her cholesterol readings don't scare her off of the diet, because they might be high. But I know that she is encouraged. By the time I left on Sunday, her weight was down lower than it has been since her forties (she and I are actually neck-and-neck), and her attitude was mostly much better, apart from a breakdown Sunday morning because she didn't want me to leave.
On my way back to Tennessee, I stopped for coffee with my sister to discuss my findings for the week. She lives about three hours closer to them and tries to get down every two or three weeks to spend a couple of days, and is on a similar (but less regimented) nutritional program. We discussed our parents' situation at length, and concluded that our mother is exhibiting signs of early stage Alzheimer's. Depression, personality changes, asking the same questions and telling the same stories repeatedly - we've seen it all before. My mother's mother was diagnosed at 75. At the time they told us she wouldn't live five years. Instead she lived on for ten as a shell of herself. I do not want to watch that happen to my mother. Neither my sister or myself are prepared to take in my parents, and I don't want to see them go to a home.
My father is is own can of worms. His blood sugar is out of control, and he is starting to have foot problems. If he loses his feet, especially before turning 65, we are all going to be in a lot of trouble. I think he is FINALLY starting to come to terms with his situation, and expressed genuine interest in what I am doing, even buying a copy of Wheat Belly. I think if he can follow the WB plan, which is far less restrictive than what I had Mom on last week, they could both benefit tremendously.
And then there's my boyfriend. He's in his mid-forties, is a heavy smoker, and lives on processed food. I've known six year olds with more sophisticated palates. However, his father was recently diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, and I think it has really given him pause. When I started doing all of the research that has led me to my current way of life, I encouraged him to talk to his dad and his stepmother about making dietary changes to see if it would help. But his father is of the attitude that if he ain't got much longer he's going to eat as he pleases. It's totally understandable. His doctors gave him a death sentence and the only hope they would offer was chemotherapy which, predictably, is killing him. This is a man who has had six heart attacks and four open heart surgeries; if he were a cat, he'd be just about out of lives. We found out a few days ago that he has congestive heart failure and his heart is only functioning at 20%. Yet his doctors insist on keeping him in chemo. They don't know what else to do, I guess. The chemo has reduced the cancer growths in his liver, so by that token it is "working," but what else is it killing? My boyfriend is starting to see what I mean about doctors, at least. They have a very limited toolbox that is focused more on treatment and intervention than cures and prevention.
Last night my boyfriend let me weigh him and do a body fat analysis (our stats are almost identical, oddly enough), and he sat and looked at information about nutrition with me for about an hour. That is a HUGE step. In just a couple of weeks he has gone from totally dismissive to genuinely curious. I think if he would give it a chance, he could really enjoy it. On top of that he has a pre-teen daughter who could REALLY use a good nutritional influence in her life. She is at a critical age right now and her mother feeds her ice cream and donuts and soda and popcorn like it's going out of style. When she comes to visit him, she'll easily go through two bags of movie butter popcorn in one night, and he is on the budget of an adjunt professor paying child support, so if they go "out" to eat it's usually McDonald's. He also has a seventeen year old son who needs $23k worth of dental work because his mother has fed him junk food and Mountain Dew all of his life (my boyfriend only sees him once a year because they live farther away) and never taken him to the dentist. All but four of his teeth are completely rotted. At seventeen. Someone in their lives needs to take the reigns and show them that healthy eating can be awesome. And it so so so so can!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Day 12: Battleground Homefront
I have been at my parents' house since Saturday afternoon and it has been an uphill battle. I came with the impression that I was coming to help my mother do something she already wanted to do but couldn't because of her limitations, but she is fighting me at every turn. My dad shows interest but not enough to comply. His medication list keeps growing, his bloodwork doesn't change, and neither will he. He is six years younger than his father was when he passed away 31 years ago. My mom keeps complaining that her stomach hurts, but that could be the wine and chocolate I can't get her to let go of and the aspirin she takes four times away. I am only here for a week to play personal chef so she can try out the new diet and see how she feels, but if she keeps eating the same things she won't even know. Like I said, I didn't think I was trying to make her do anything she didn't want to do. Sometimes it feels like deep down she has really just given up. Not that it isn't understandable. Her situation is miserable. But I am trying to make it easier on her and her resistance is making it impossible. I don't want to give up, but there have been many tears shed this week and I expect many more to come. If they were older, I might have an easier time just saying, "Well, they're old. I guess they've earned the right to do what they want." But 63 is way too young to give up on life.
As for myself, I am loving getting the use of their nice kitchen. My own is rather pathetic - virtually no counter space, no dishwasher, crummy apartment refrigerator, tiny two-sided sink with no water pressure. It makes everything a little easier to have a better kitchen to work in, and cooking for them (despite their complaints) has been really fun. Because they are so picky AND require a lot of variety I have had to get very creative.
As for my weight, it is hard to say exactly because their scale is calibrated differently than my own, but my base weight when I got here (weighed Sunday morning) was 216.6, and this morning was 214.0. My mom's base weight, also on Sunday, was 215.6, and she was also 214.0 today. I am really hoping that the weight loss will help give her hope. She recently started thyroid meds and has been stuck at the same weight for months despite her best efforts (she had gone gluten-free ish but using all of the high-carb gluten free products and followed some other more conventional wisdom about fat and calories, so WE know she was really unwittingly sabotaging herself). So the plateau breakthrough could be just what the doctor (or the daughter) ordered.
As for myself, I am loving getting the use of their nice kitchen. My own is rather pathetic - virtually no counter space, no dishwasher, crummy apartment refrigerator, tiny two-sided sink with no water pressure. It makes everything a little easier to have a better kitchen to work in, and cooking for them (despite their complaints) has been really fun. Because they are so picky AND require a lot of variety I have had to get very creative.
As for my weight, it is hard to say exactly because their scale is calibrated differently than my own, but my base weight when I got here (weighed Sunday morning) was 216.6, and this morning was 214.0. My mom's base weight, also on Sunday, was 215.6, and she was also 214.0 today. I am really hoping that the weight loss will help give her hope. She recently started thyroid meds and has been stuck at the same weight for months despite her best efforts (she had gone gluten-free ish but using all of the high-carb gluten free products and followed some other more conventional wisdom about fat and calories, so WE know she was really unwittingly sabotaging herself). So the plateau breakthrough could be just what the doctor (or the daughter) ordered.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Day 9: Breaking my plateau...with whiskey and potatoes?
I went to a dinner party last night where my hosts prepared salmon and roasted broccoli especially for me. For my boyfriend, they also made roasted potatoes because he doesn't eat green stuff, generally speaking. Additionally, there were quantities of Scotch whiskey and wine involved. I had just a tiny portion of potatoes, but I did help quite generously with the Scotch (it was a very good Scotch). I was a little worried about getting on the scale this morning, but lo and behold, I was back to 211.8! And my body fat percentage dropped a half a point! And my bust, waist, and hip measurements went down half an inch each or more! So I'm paying for the Scotch a little today with a slightly swimmy head (and a five hour drive ahead of me...ugh) but at least I did not throw myself off course. Now to face a new challenge: the parents.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Day 8 - Morning meetings and BPIF
So I woke up this morning at 6:45 to prepare for a meeting at 9:30 (thankfully I live just a few blocks from the office, so I can leave the house at 9:25 and still be on time) and I was STARVING. I had a sweet potato with plenty of pasture-fed butter and a couple of cubes of organic pasture-fed white cheddar cheese for dinner last night. It took longer than I counted on to cook the potato so I didn't eat until about 9:00, a little later than I like to. But I knew I needed to "re-feed" again, and chose a healthier alternative this time than tortilla chips. Nevertheless King Carb was tapping on my brain this morning saying "c'mon, you know you want some fruit and yogurt with a little of that granola I know you still have in the back of the cabinet." Fortunaterly I had pre-empted the bugger by setting up my auto-brew last night on the coffee maker. By the time I dragged myself out of bed and got to the kitchen it was ready to go. I poured my first cup and put in my butter and MCT oil thinking "How am I ever going to get through this meeting without some food?" It wasn't a hugely important meeting, but it was me, one-on-one, with my dissertation director/assistantship supervisor to report on my readings and research progress, and I needed to be sharp. A couple of weeks ago that would have led to a carb binge: straight to the coffee shop on the courthouse square for a bagel and cream cheese and a large iced coffee with caramel syrup and skim milk.
But this time I was prepared. Even with that voice in the back of my head whispering "feed me...feed me..." I sat down with my coffee, pulled up an inspiring Yale lecture on Youtube, and began reviewing the readings I needed to report on. I got pulled into my work and before I knew it, it was almost time to go. I hadn't even thought about being hungry since my first sip of coffee. When I arrived at the office, my dissertation director was scrambling to get ready for our meeting, sending off last minute emails, digging through folders for his notes. We finally went into his office and had a great meeting and I ACTUALLY FELT LIKE I KNEW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. I haven't taken my adderall since I started and I have found that I actually absorb information better now than I ever did using ADD meds. Not only that, but when I'm put on the spot with a tough question, I have no problem calmly sorting through my thoughts to put together a coherent answer, and I don't stress out when I genuinely don't know. It was probably the best dissertation meeting I've ever had.
Unfortunately by the time I got done I was hungry again. I ran to my house to get another cup of coffee and also ate a quick piece of cheese because I don't have anything at home to bring to the office to eat right now and I won't have time to go out for lunch this afternoon. But between the cheese and the second cup of coffee, I should be able to get through the rest of the afternoon (I get done at 3PM, so not TOO bad) without any major meltdown or crash. Sometimes it's the little things.
Weight today: 213.0. Nothing lost, but nothing gained! I'll take it. Also, I took my measurements and I think I've lost around an inch each on my hips, waist, and bust, and maybe two on my braline. The braline loss is really exciting to me because it's coming off of my back. Backfat is the most incidious fat - always hiding out behind your back! It sneaks up, stays hidden until you catch your reflection at justtheright angle, and then BOOM! You are a person with back fat.
But this time I was prepared. Even with that voice in the back of my head whispering "feed me...feed me..." I sat down with my coffee, pulled up an inspiring Yale lecture on Youtube, and began reviewing the readings I needed to report on. I got pulled into my work and before I knew it, it was almost time to go. I hadn't even thought about being hungry since my first sip of coffee. When I arrived at the office, my dissertation director was scrambling to get ready for our meeting, sending off last minute emails, digging through folders for his notes. We finally went into his office and had a great meeting and I ACTUALLY FELT LIKE I KNEW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. I haven't taken my adderall since I started and I have found that I actually absorb information better now than I ever did using ADD meds. Not only that, but when I'm put on the spot with a tough question, I have no problem calmly sorting through my thoughts to put together a coherent answer, and I don't stress out when I genuinely don't know. It was probably the best dissertation meeting I've ever had.
Unfortunately by the time I got done I was hungry again. I ran to my house to get another cup of coffee and also ate a quick piece of cheese because I don't have anything at home to bring to the office to eat right now and I won't have time to go out for lunch this afternoon. But between the cheese and the second cup of coffee, I should be able to get through the rest of the afternoon (I get done at 3PM, so not TOO bad) without any major meltdown or crash. Sometimes it's the little things.
Weight today: 213.0. Nothing lost, but nothing gained! I'll take it. Also, I took my measurements and I think I've lost around an inch each on my hips, waist, and bust, and maybe two on my braline. The braline loss is really exciting to me because it's coming off of my back. Backfat is the most incidious fat - always hiding out behind your back! It sneaks up, stays hidden until you catch your reflection at justtheright angle, and then BOOM! You are a person with back fat.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Day 7 - Happy Independence Day!
Though I am sitting at work, taking advantage of the empty office to take care of some upcoming deadlines, I am celebrating - my independence from wheat! Every time I go up and down my stairs at home I do a little happy dance inside because it no longer hurts my knees. Yippee!
That said, I sure do miss the daily droppage of the early days! But oh well. Every little bit counts! Today I was back down another .8 lb, putting me at an even 213, just 1.2 away from my Sunday morning, pre-slippage low. My body fat is dropping and my muscle mass isn't, which has never happened before when I've lost weight (the many, many, many times I have lost weight) especially with so little exercise (a few evening strolls and a handful of light weight training sessions). Maybe I can have a sweet potato later...
That said, I sure do miss the daily droppage of the early days! But oh well. Every little bit counts! Today I was back down another .8 lb, putting me at an even 213, just 1.2 away from my Sunday morning, pre-slippage low. My body fat is dropping and my muscle mass isn't, which has never happened before when I've lost weight (the many, many, many times I have lost weight) especially with so little exercise (a few evening strolls and a handful of light weight training sessions). Maybe I can have a sweet potato later...
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Day 6 BPIF
So my weight inched back down another .6 lb, and my body fat percentage is down as well, so I guess I'm doing something right. As of right now I am sitting six pounds below when I first went grain free two weeks ago, so I guess no matter what I can't complain about a 3 lb/week average weight loss. It isn't as exciting (or craving deterring) as it was in the beginning, but I think I'll be okay. Last night I made a fantastic egg bake (recipe below) for dinner, with two more meals worth left over. I was still just a teensy bit peckish right before bed, so I had a small piece of cheese. As of right now it is almost noon and I'm still sipping on my BP coffee from my new travel mug. I think I'll make it til 2 okay, but it has been a bit of a struggle. I may just have to shorten my fasting period. I doubt that I could eat much more than I do already but it is proving difficult to go a full eighteen hours without meals. Sixteen seems to be my max for now. I should probably pick up some ketone test strips at some point, too. I definitely do not have any plans to do a carb re-feed until I get back down to where I was before. Theoretically that would be Friday or Saturday.
The strangest thing has been the return of the food obsession. I can't stop thinking about wanting to eat, just as bad as before I quit grains. But when I first dropped the wheat et al I didn't struggle. One off-plan re-feed and suddenly I am back to square one and then some. It has inspired me to get out the house more, though. I can distract myself wandering around Target or even going to the gym, but I don't want to work out TOO much because it leaves me hungrier and makes it harder to resist the bad carbs. Work stress isn't helping any, either. I have a major deadline coming up in a couple of weeks that is looming over my head rather ominously, and next week I am going down to see my parents. I'll be taking my work with me, of course, but I really feel like I need to go down and take some of the pressure off of my dad who has been taking care of the house and the cooking and my mother while still working full time and then some, and I also really want to help them get the rhythm of grain-free living so that maybe just maybe my mother will be able to walk again by the end of the year, or even by the end of the summer. It might be just a dream, but I have to try.
This stream-of-consciousness ramble has been brought to you by Bulletproof Coffee and the Knox County Register of Deeds...
The strangest thing has been the return of the food obsession. I can't stop thinking about wanting to eat, just as bad as before I quit grains. But when I first dropped the wheat et al I didn't struggle. One off-plan re-feed and suddenly I am back to square one and then some. It has inspired me to get out the house more, though. I can distract myself wandering around Target or even going to the gym, but I don't want to work out TOO much because it leaves me hungrier and makes it harder to resist the bad carbs. Work stress isn't helping any, either. I have a major deadline coming up in a couple of weeks that is looming over my head rather ominously, and next week I am going down to see my parents. I'll be taking my work with me, of course, but I really feel like I need to go down and take some of the pressure off of my dad who has been taking care of the house and the cooking and my mother while still working full time and then some, and I also really want to help them get the rhythm of grain-free living so that maybe just maybe my mother will be able to walk again by the end of the year, or even by the end of the summer. It might be just a dream, but I have to try.
This stream-of-consciousness ramble has been brought to you by Bulletproof Coffee and the Knox County Register of Deeds...
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Day 5 on BPIF: Laughing in the face of discouragement
So yesterday I was up a few pounds, today I was about halfway back down. I know the pitfalls of checking your weight every day, but for the sake of the experiment I want to see exactly how different foods affect me at different points in the process. The hard part, though, has been getting back on the low-carb. I haven't slipped, but I have definitely struggled more than I did at the first. I had a very difficult time yesterday getting through the morning on my BP coffee alone. I ran home at noon for an extra cup but was still ready to eat my arm off by 2:00 and ended up breaking my fast a little earlier than I wanted to, but I had a sensible meal of baked salmon and broccoli, followed by yogurt around 6:00, and then three eggs for my last meal at about 8:30. Managed to get to sleep (eventually) without eating anything extra, just had my detox tea before bed. This morning before work I ran to the store and picked up a travel mug so I could take a big cup of BP coffee to work with me to sip on throughout the morning instead of trying to guzzle it all down before leaving the house or having to leave work to re-up. Nevertheless as soon as it was gone I was ready to EAT. I came home around 2:30 and had some canned tuna and haven't been hungry since (it is now almost 6:00 - not bad for me). I will definitely not be doing a carb re-feed anytime before Thursday, and when I do it will definitely be sweet potatoes, not corn chips! Here's hoping I can get my weight back down to pre-refeed before then!
Monday, July 1, 2013
Day 4 - Post-refeed conclusions
I called Saturday my official "re-feed" day and went out to dinner with a friend, allowing myself corn chips and beans (and margaritas). Yesterday I was so miserable in recovery from Saturday that I couldn't bring myself to clean the kitchen so I could cook, so I went to dinner with another friend, again to a Mexican restaurant. I ordered sensibly - grilled tilapia and steamed veggie - but I did let my hand slip into the basket a couple of times. It was my only actual meal all day. Apart from that I had three eggs and a bowl of yogurt, then last night I couldn't sleep because I was hungry so I had a slice of cheese and a spoonful of honey. Weight this morning? 215.4. (an increase of 4 lb over yesterday) Conclusion? No more Mexican restaurants for me.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Day 3
Wow okay so apparently part of me thinks I am still 21 and had too many margaritas last night. Yesterday was my "re-feed" day, so I let myself off the hook just a wee bit, still avoiding wheat because it seems to be my big trigger, but not corn (or margaritas - but with lime juice only, no sour mix or simple syrup) just as an experiment. My first meal was just yogurt and whey, in preparation for the night of carbing up that I knew I had ahead of me. I met a friend for dinner at a Mexican restaurant and had chips with cheese dip, a chile relleno, and a side of beans. And margaritas. It was glorious. After two days stalled out, I didn't really expect my weight to go down. I had a couple of glasses of water before bed and a couple this morning when I woke up to start getting my body back to "normal." I slept through coffee time and haven't eaten yet. I just weighed and was shocked to see that I had, in fact, lost another 1.2 lb. If this keeps up I should see the underside of 210 in the next couple of days. That's not too huge for me. I had only gotten above 210 in the last couple of months, really. But it will be nice and I'll feel a bit more "normal" I think. Now I just have to get motivated to actually cook today...(vertical is scary). It will be probably at least Wednesday before I "refeed" again.
Overall starting weight: 219.8
Bulletproof starting weight: 213.8
Day three weight: 211.4
Update: I think I accidentally got "glutened" last night. My knees hurt. Not as badly as before, but there is definitely some inflammation.
Overall starting weight: 219.8
Bulletproof starting weight: 213.8
Day three weight: 211.4
Update: I think I accidentally got "glutened" last night. My knees hurt. Not as badly as before, but there is definitely some inflammation.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Day 2 on BPIF
After a somewhat emotional and stressful day yesterday, I am somewhat unsurprised to see no change in my weight (or waist), and I can't REALLY expect to continue losing a pound a day, realistically, no matter how appealing the prospect may be or how hard I try. I can't say I'm not disappointed, but certainly far from derailed. My menu yesterday was two cups of BP coffee, first at 8:00AM and the second at about noon, because I was getting a little peckish. I was late breaking my fast and reached a near-meltdown point, but managed to basically keep my cool and make it through til four, when I had baked salmon and a green salad. I also had some fresh juice right before eating the salmon, which I normally don't put a lot of fruit in, but I think I put too much this time which may have also negatively impacted my fat burning capability. I did not get hungry again for the rest of the day, but ate some more salmon with some zucchini (again, probably a little too high in the carb range, really) at 9, the end of my feeding window, because I knew I would be hungry at bedtime if I didn't. I may not do that again.
Energy levels, apart from the 3:00 meltdown, remained pretty high and I got a pretty good bit done yesterday. Slept well. I have noticed that my ankles and left knee hurt just the teensiest bit again, so I may need to make some adjustments for inflammation. My mother's doctor, or chiropractor, or accupuncturist, or one of the dozen people she's being treated by, has put her on an anti-inflammatory diet that claims that fat is bad for inflammation, which runs counter to what I have been reading lately, but maybe there is something to it? Hard to say yet. I will keep going the way that I am for now, as I am still enjoying it immensely.
Energy levels, apart from the 3:00 meltdown, remained pretty high and I got a pretty good bit done yesterday. Slept well. I have noticed that my ankles and left knee hurt just the teensiest bit again, so I may need to make some adjustments for inflammation. My mother's doctor, or chiropractor, or accupuncturist, or one of the dozen people she's being treated by, has put her on an anti-inflammatory diet that claims that fat is bad for inflammation, which runs counter to what I have been reading lately, but maybe there is something to it? Hard to say yet. I will keep going the way that I am for now, as I am still enjoying it immensely.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Day 1 report
I must say, my first day on the Bulletproof IF plan went fantastic. I had my BP coffee around 8:00AM and nothing but water until shortly after 3:00PM. I went to the gym at 2:00PM and did a quick weight routine, and after I got home had salmon and broccoli. I didn't get hungry much before 9:00PM (the end of my "feeding" period), but I had a couple of bowls of pasture-fed, hormone-free (but not, raw, unfortunately) yogurt with a little extra whey, and a small handful of raspberries in one of them. I had three cups of detox tea with lemon over the course of the day, to help the kidneys and liver process all of the extra fat I was taking in. I did get hungry at bedtime, but unlike the old days when I was still consuming wheat, I was able to ignore it and go to sleep.
Weight yesterday: 213.8
Weight today: 212.6
24 hour loss: 1.2
Mood: Fantastic!
Energy: Through the roof!
Day 1.5 report: Today has been a bit of a roller coaster. I got a little hungry around noon and went home to have an extra cup of BP coffee. Then I got stuck in a meeting and couldn't get my 3:00 "break-fast" on time and hit the wall hard. So, note to self: always travel with nuts. I normally do anyway, but I am going to have to be extra careful on days when I have less control over my own comings and goings. When I hit the wall, I got tunnel vision and short tempered and very confused, just like before going grain-free. But I have never gone eighteen hours without eating before, so I'm not going to beat myself up over it. But more importantly, I've discovered something about the mood elevating effect of being wheat free. Unlike all of the antidepressants so many millions of people are on, being naturally anti-depressed doesn't turn you into a zombie. I learned today that a friend of mine from long ago lost her father. Even though I haven't seen her in fifteen or sixteen years, my heart just broke for her as soon as I heard the news, and I started bawling. I remember the old Effexor days when I could hear the saddest news in the world and barely feel a thing...but I wasn't depressed! It's so nice to be able to experience the full range of the emotional rainbow without spending too much time at the bottom. My heart goes out to Liz and I can't help but think of my own father, whose health is a constant battle, mainly with his own eating habits and stress level. I can only hope that what I am doing right now will help my own parents overcome their food addictions and expectations of failure to start living healthier lives with what they have left, and to make it last as long as possible.
Weight yesterday: 213.8
Weight today: 212.6
24 hour loss: 1.2
Mood: Fantastic!
Energy: Through the roof!
Day 1.5 report: Today has been a bit of a roller coaster. I got a little hungry around noon and went home to have an extra cup of BP coffee. Then I got stuck in a meeting and couldn't get my 3:00 "break-fast" on time and hit the wall hard. So, note to self: always travel with nuts. I normally do anyway, but I am going to have to be extra careful on days when I have less control over my own comings and goings. When I hit the wall, I got tunnel vision and short tempered and very confused, just like before going grain-free. But I have never gone eighteen hours without eating before, so I'm not going to beat myself up over it. But more importantly, I've discovered something about the mood elevating effect of being wheat free. Unlike all of the antidepressants so many millions of people are on, being naturally anti-depressed doesn't turn you into a zombie. I learned today that a friend of mine from long ago lost her father. Even though I haven't seen her in fifteen or sixteen years, my heart just broke for her as soon as I heard the news, and I started bawling. I remember the old Effexor days when I could hear the saddest news in the world and barely feel a thing...but I wasn't depressed! It's so nice to be able to experience the full range of the emotional rainbow without spending too much time at the bottom. My heart goes out to Liz and I can't help but think of my own father, whose health is a constant battle, mainly with his own eating habits and stress level. I can only hope that what I am doing right now will help my own parents overcome their food addictions and expectations of failure to start living healthier lives with what they have left, and to make it last as long as possible.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
What happens when a fat girl goes Bulletproof?
I am a thirty-something graduate student with a busy schedule and a tiny budget. I have been overweight since about the age of eight, and a vegetarian all of my life. It all started when my mother went to work and my grandparents began taking care of me in the afternoon, feeding me ice cream and popcorn to my heart's content. What does an eight-year-old know of nutrition? My grandmother had always been a little on the heavy side (probably about a modern size 14 when she was a teenager in the 1930s, with minor fluctuations up and down in between), but even by the late 1980s-early 1990s, childhood obesity wasn't a thing on anyone's mind, particularly. Kids are active and growing, so they burn it off, right? Obviously, we know differently now. But at the time it all seemed perfectly harmless. So I ate. And ate. And ate. And ate. By the time I reached my teens, I was a chronic weight cycler. I would go from eating nothing but an apple all day to eating everything in sight, and my weight would follow.
As an adult, I have followed similar cycles, accompanied by depression, alcohol abuse and heavy smoking, social isolation, divorce, and general poor decision-making. About 2006, I started to get back on track professionally by going back to college. I finished my degree in 2007 and married for the second time in 2008. All the while my weight bouncing around between 145 and 190 (at 5'4''). I started graduate school in the fall of 2008, and everything in my life outside of school basically spun out of control. As a child, I had a near-genius IQ. That's great, right? Except that when everything comes easy, you never learn to work hard. I suffered from a severe lack of discipline and focus, and used food as a crutch. And lemme tell ya, reading 600+ pages and writing extensive papers on a weekly basis is NOT the same as learning multiplication tables. My self-esteem and general mood suffered, and ultimately my second marriage failed.
I finished my MA and started my PhD in 2011. While writing my thesis, I had managed to get my weight back down to a reasonably-comfortable (if not quite healthy) 165. By the end of my first semester in the PhD program, I was tipping the scales close to 200. Now, here I am, four semesters later, almost done with coursework. My weight this morning was 213.8. I am not an athlete-biohacker trying to trim another 1% off of my 18% body fat. I am a fat girl who has tried everything. Nutrisystem (FAIL), Weight Watchers (semi-fail), anorexia + cocaine (goes without saying). I have just always been hungry. Ravenously hungry. Eat-my-arm-off hungry. All the time.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to visit my parents for the weekend. I only get to see them about twice a year, as they live five hours away and I rarely have a single day off much less multiple for travel. My mother has been suffering from some sort of rheumatoid/fibromyalgia condition for a couple of years now. She, like me, has been overweight her entire adult life, apart from a brief spell in her 20s. She is now 63 and using a walker to get from the den to the kitchen. She's always been reasonably active, a regular walker, who never ate much junk food or even large portion sizes. Yet her weight has hovered between 200-230 for years. The most frustrating part has been the way the doctors have treated her; if you can't walk, it's because you're too fat. One idiot even told her to quit exercising, yet still expected her to just magically drop the weight and suddenly feel better, without giving her any guidelines on how to do it. Watching her suffer has given me extra motivation to get to the root of the issue. My basic philosophy: obesity is NOT A DISEASE. Obesity is a warning sign that something is wrong. Obesity does not CAUSE diabetes, heart disease, breast cancer - it is CAUSED BY the same things that cause those diseases. The problem is, doctors have been treating obesity as the root problem for years - putting the cart before the horse and misdiagnosing god knows how many conditions. But if you simply cut back on calories without changing the basic content of your diet, then you are still fueling the same disorders. Logical. Simple. And, I think, true.
After I got home from the weekend with the folks, I looked up a diet my mother had mentioned, Wheat Belly. It made absolute sense to me. I immediately cut out wheat and cut back on my carbs - voila! Six pounds gone in a week. Better than that, the pain that I have had in my knees and ankles since I was 28 has disappeared. I became obsessed and started scouring the internet for anything else that could be helpful, and came across Bulletproof Intermittent Fasting. I am not an endorser - I am an experimenter (okay, maybe I am a biohacker?) I don't necessarily believe every claim that either the creator of Bulletproof or Wheat Belly make, but after years of failure and one week of smashing success, I think it is worth a shot.
I decided to blog because on my numerous searches, I could not find a single person who was ACTUALLY overweight blogging about their experience. I found a lot of already fit people looking to "tweak" their performance or body fat. So I am the lab rat. What happens when a fat girl goes Bulletproof?
This morning I had a high quality coffee with 1 T of pasture-fed butter and 1 T of MCT oil. I am going to the gym in just a bit to do a quick weight routine (no more cardio!) and then I will break my "fast" with some salmon cooked at a low temp, loaded with olive oile, rosemary, and thyme with a side of steamed broccoli soaked in (pasture-fed, hormone-free) butter.
Starting stats (unfortunately I have no insurance and therefore no doc for bloodwork):
Weight: 213.8 (was 219.8 a week ago, btw)
Bust: 48
Waist: 41
Hips: 48.5
Body fat: 47.5%
As an adult, I have followed similar cycles, accompanied by depression, alcohol abuse and heavy smoking, social isolation, divorce, and general poor decision-making. About 2006, I started to get back on track professionally by going back to college. I finished my degree in 2007 and married for the second time in 2008. All the while my weight bouncing around between 145 and 190 (at 5'4''). I started graduate school in the fall of 2008, and everything in my life outside of school basically spun out of control. As a child, I had a near-genius IQ. That's great, right? Except that when everything comes easy, you never learn to work hard. I suffered from a severe lack of discipline and focus, and used food as a crutch. And lemme tell ya, reading 600+ pages and writing extensive papers on a weekly basis is NOT the same as learning multiplication tables. My self-esteem and general mood suffered, and ultimately my second marriage failed.
I finished my MA and started my PhD in 2011. While writing my thesis, I had managed to get my weight back down to a reasonably-comfortable (if not quite healthy) 165. By the end of my first semester in the PhD program, I was tipping the scales close to 200. Now, here I am, four semesters later, almost done with coursework. My weight this morning was 213.8. I am not an athlete-biohacker trying to trim another 1% off of my 18% body fat. I am a fat girl who has tried everything. Nutrisystem (FAIL), Weight Watchers (semi-fail), anorexia + cocaine (goes without saying). I have just always been hungry. Ravenously hungry. Eat-my-arm-off hungry. All the time.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to visit my parents for the weekend. I only get to see them about twice a year, as they live five hours away and I rarely have a single day off much less multiple for travel. My mother has been suffering from some sort of rheumatoid/fibromyalgia condition for a couple of years now. She, like me, has been overweight her entire adult life, apart from a brief spell in her 20s. She is now 63 and using a walker to get from the den to the kitchen. She's always been reasonably active, a regular walker, who never ate much junk food or even large portion sizes. Yet her weight has hovered between 200-230 for years. The most frustrating part has been the way the doctors have treated her; if you can't walk, it's because you're too fat. One idiot even told her to quit exercising, yet still expected her to just magically drop the weight and suddenly feel better, without giving her any guidelines on how to do it. Watching her suffer has given me extra motivation to get to the root of the issue. My basic philosophy: obesity is NOT A DISEASE. Obesity is a warning sign that something is wrong. Obesity does not CAUSE diabetes, heart disease, breast cancer - it is CAUSED BY the same things that cause those diseases. The problem is, doctors have been treating obesity as the root problem for years - putting the cart before the horse and misdiagnosing god knows how many conditions. But if you simply cut back on calories without changing the basic content of your diet, then you are still fueling the same disorders. Logical. Simple. And, I think, true.
After I got home from the weekend with the folks, I looked up a diet my mother had mentioned, Wheat Belly. It made absolute sense to me. I immediately cut out wheat and cut back on my carbs - voila! Six pounds gone in a week. Better than that, the pain that I have had in my knees and ankles since I was 28 has disappeared. I became obsessed and started scouring the internet for anything else that could be helpful, and came across Bulletproof Intermittent Fasting. I am not an endorser - I am an experimenter (okay, maybe I am a biohacker?) I don't necessarily believe every claim that either the creator of Bulletproof or Wheat Belly make, but after years of failure and one week of smashing success, I think it is worth a shot.
I decided to blog because on my numerous searches, I could not find a single person who was ACTUALLY overweight blogging about their experience. I found a lot of already fit people looking to "tweak" their performance or body fat. So I am the lab rat. What happens when a fat girl goes Bulletproof?
This morning I had a high quality coffee with 1 T of pasture-fed butter and 1 T of MCT oil. I am going to the gym in just a bit to do a quick weight routine (no more cardio!) and then I will break my "fast" with some salmon cooked at a low temp, loaded with olive oile, rosemary, and thyme with a side of steamed broccoli soaked in (pasture-fed, hormone-free) butter.
Starting stats (unfortunately I have no insurance and therefore no doc for bloodwork):
Weight: 213.8 (was 219.8 a week ago, btw)
Bust: 48
Waist: 41
Hips: 48.5
Body fat: 47.5%
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